The word sound familiar rite.. bout the currently earthquake happen in sichuan in china.. sharron stone was asked by press bout her opinion.. suddenly she pop out the word of karma.. which of course, led her to a serious case.. she indeed make a wrong move especially she is a celebrities, she not suppose to say so.. that's y all the press in china quite upset with her and hardly to forgive even though she aplogized and promise to help the victim by going there to become a volunteer..
actually i wan to say in here is different from the story above.. after a talked with frens last time when i went to kl for wesak holiday.. i found that i wat occur in my life just a pillar for some sort of ppl.. in my context, i think pillar is strong, hard and will not able to fall so easily unless have a big earthquake lar.. but i would like to ask you all.. did we all gratitude to our pillar for supporting to us for all this while..
i keep thinking and yet rethink the whole story for many times.. i hardly to forgive myself being a mr nice guy and also the ppl who used me either with purpose or not.. sometimes, i just feel like i was an idiot or a fool.. no matter how i try or how i work, the result still the same.. i alwiz being label rebelious, no co-operative, angryman, not supportive, and all those same goes to a old man behaviour.. however, i dun agree all.. first i not rebelious.. second i quite co-operative unless some make me feel upset.. third, angryman quite a bit.. cos too influencial by the horoscope.. or maybe i just born as a youngest children in the family.. fourth, not supportive.. depends wat the situation and case..
watever i did alwiz is a background work.. not ppl will noe wat is my job is.. i not formally introduce and yet my hardwork not neccesary be saluted.. as wat i done not greater than any oscar or hk film awards.. people like to see the actor and actress.. you act well, you will alwiz get a big hand from ppl and yet you will be famous and well known.. no matter wat you did wrong, you alwiz get the forgiven.. is just like when you with them, they feel assured and will very to accept your help.. even you say no, ppl will agree with you..
but for me, not matter how good or how hard i try to be, i alwiz get the look of you are the troublemaker.. the world look so good and nice without your existing.. when they need help, i alwiz the one will be targeted.. i not sure whether i been look high or watever.. i just have to help.. when i said no, i will being called so many unkind word.. when the whole thing is finish, i just get aside without being acknowledged.. sometimes, i rethink why i need to be suffer like this, i alwiz tell myself, i shud not be so calculative.. past is past.. but lately, i found that i not able to do so.. cos i also human.. need to give some encouraging or compliment.. like the singapore movie '小孩不笨2'.. karma guar. mayb in my past life, i like to use ppl or torture ppl guar, therefore i get paid on it in this life..
am i look negative.. yes, i do.. or maybe things happen lots lately.. i just feel ntg for me to go on.. when i recalled how many fren i have, i was laugh at myself.. even though in my msn list or friendster list got so many, but how many did i reli call or chat.. or just say frenship got lots but real frens just fews..
dear frens, when you read till here, you might feel y you being treated all these while (some of you lar.. ) or y not able to know it while i there.. mayb i just din have the pleasant look, good attitude or sweet mouth.. or i too narrow to myself until i not even able to notice the surrounding me.. i feel terrible sorry over the mess i made.. ntg able to change it rite now.. or i shud say i good in ntg but to be a troublemaker.. to bring unpleasant memories to you guys.. if so, i just wish i never been here anymore..
is been a long period after my january blog being published.. the time fly fast and indeed all the things just happen like yesterday.. today is the last day of month may.. and another 18 days just remind me that i been working for 1 year...
in the early of the year, i was being outsource to another company as my branch didnt have any extra outsource guy or so called employee.. the working period not long and yet not short.. but indeed, is a most relaxing period for me and yet the most happiest moment i ever had.. though need to wake up early but the thing i like most is the finish time is much much earlier than current job.. beside that, i alwiz able to off my work very punctual and if they ask me to do any OT, i will gladly do so as i able to claim it per hour basis rather you work till your bloody cell become thin, you onli able to get rm15 for the meal allowance..
when i was asked to back to my current job, there was drastic change in my life.. the change i hate most.. and yet i dun wan just to be a hem.. is remind me a book called 'Who Moved My Cheese?' written by dr. spencer johnson.. it's reflect to our life nowadays.. therefore, i choose to become a haw.. try to learn and adapt the change in order to hope to get a better life..
month of april and may indeed give me much more exposure i have last time.. since as i said have a drastic change, from a heaven lifestyle become to a hell lifestyle.. i not onli have to learn fast to catch up the latest up-to-date support, and i need to recalled all the syllabus i learn since i join the company.. is a huge challenge and need lots of faith to get thru the barrier..
when i talked to my frens about my job and my life, i reli hope my 2 years bond will be get thru faster.. not only able to get away from paying the sum of amount back to company once i terminate the contract but also i able to enjoy to moment saying 'i'm quit' to my manager any moment i wan to without second doubt.. that's one factor.. the second is the $$.. that's my main problem.. human is greedy.. no matter how much he earn, he will alwiz said not enuf.. human is just like tat.. alwiz not get enuf or satisfied of wat he have right now.. same goes to me.. even though i stay at my home, eat at home, but still not able to secure my financial.. is not that i alwiz like to spend my salary uncountable, but i just too calculate over my expenses to ensure i wont get the trouble of financial problem.. so, to my fren out there, sorry for my calculative and of course, the kedekut style.. therefore, i alwiz put xtra alert on wat i spend the money..
that's the reason i find that my life is so dull and boring.. hardly to find myself satisfaction in watever i doing.. or i shud do like wat other's ppl do.. dont care so much.. but when come to end of the month, i just buy or spend something that i like most to make me happy guar or award myself over the hardship i went thru..
yesterday, my GM asked me wat my ambition.. i reli think twice before i able to answer him.. i said i wan to be at your place (means i hope that i able to be a GM like him).. he laughed and replied me, 'good.. i so wish that someone able to take over my place, therefore i able to get another good position'.. actually, in far of my heart, i do know wat to reply to him at the first place.. first, i study a bright future course but not suit to me.. second, i join the job which i sometimes like but mostly hate.. haha.. and yet, i not able to determine whether i still suit to this job..
i remembered once i go for a tarrot reading, when i asked bout my career.. when the lady asked me whether i got think to change job, i answer her yes.. after take 5 cards and asked my to choose which is represent current and which is represent the new job.. this is the explaination i get.. i can see you have made a wise choice to choose this company as your career.. you have a bright future.. while the other one, i saw you will get trouble.. all your hardwork will being taken by your superior.. therefore, if i were you, i will stay at wat i doing now to see the overview first before decide to move.. when i recalled the stories to my frens, mostly said the prediction go wrongly d.. the good one shud go to new job.. shud i laugh?!
